Incest

My Own Story

How is possible that being only a child you look at me as I am a woman? How is possible that with a malicious desire you caress my breast yet developed due to my young age, and that your fingers touch a flesh that you helped to procreate? How is possible that you desire a body yet form and that you would take me to bed to destroy my innocence? Why you silence me with threats? When in my silence a scream that tears down foundations come forth like a thunder. You program me wrong! Denying me the opportunity to someday feel love, and at the same time you do not teach me to respect or self-respect. In addition, this cause I look myself up for life in the dark rooms of my soul, where I lock the doors with a key no person may enter, so that I cannot feel the pain of feeling used.

Today, as an adult, I survived the torment of my childhood. I made many poor decisions that lead me to disaster. I stumble and fell many times. I desperately search in many arms for the warmth and security that I did not have as a child. Many of those around me misjudge me - Although I did not care! I desperately needed to find what was missing… I needed to sit on your lap and listen a story; that you would comb my hair with kindness and patience; I needed to hear you say that I was beautiful; “this is my beautiful daughter.” I needed you to you would take me to the school so I could feel proud before my friends, because I have somebody to protect me. Many times, I needed a shoulder with no malice, to lean and cry; to explain that I was feeling without fear or being misinterpreted. In my loneliness I cry so much. I asked myself so many questions. Why me?

Through the journey, which I understand until today, I found a friend. I cried on His shoulder, and He hugged me. He caressed me with tenderness. He gave me the warmth that I was missing. I sat on His lap, and he listened. He opened those dark empty rooms. He entered. Then He spoke to me and said: “YOU ARE CHOSEN AS A PRINCESS FOR HIS HEAVENLY REIGH. YOU ARE THE DAUGHTER OD THE GREAT KING JEHOVA.” He healed my wounds with the balm of peace. My eyes found in His flaming eyes the truth. He loved me. And He put everything in place. He took away the bitterness and replaced with joy. He blessed me in heavenly places.

At this moment, I tell you certainly, Dad, that only my friend can heal the wounds that also remain in you as you abused me. Silent wounds that still hammer away your conscience. Memories that torment you because you lack the courage to look at my eyes and ask for forgiveness. Only Jesus, my friend, can lift you up and fill the void that sin produce. Only Jesus, my friend, can repair the damage. He can heal you too. He wants to forgive you. He will enter, and dine with you, and you will have conversations. He will take your worries and put them at His feet, and you will contemplate as empty spaces are filled with peace.

Mom, and what about you? Unhappiness is visible in your countenance… The pain of seeing me hurt and the humiliation that the betrayal of your man caused in you. The bitterness is heard in your silence, and the loneliness cause a war in your mind. I know you feel rejected. But NO! Enough already. Jesus is with you, and He wants to heel you. He wants to take you out of the alley from you find no exit and take you to open spaces. He wants to fill you with happiness. Only Jesus, my friend, can heal those wounds and put forgiveness in your heart. He wants you in your rightful place…In the arms of who is faithful and true. In the comfort of your Healer. Only He suffers with you when you go to your bed, not to sleep, but instead to cry in your soul. Mom, only Jesus can help you, and you will be like tree planted near rivers of waters, that will bear fruit its due time, and leaves shall not fall, and everything that you do shall prosper. You will see Mom, it will be like it never has been.

Understand this - Jesus from His throne of glory sees with pain when these things occur… and He committed to transforming this long journey of sadness and pain into a garden of roses with a fragrant smell. Because this is, loves ones, FORGIVENESS.